To my horror the pamphlet "Ten signs your fish is a MasterBetta" was a figment of my imagination and so I apologized to the wrongfully accused Diablo and paraphrased a couple proverbs about forgiveness. Diablo had no idea what I was talking about and just waited with a sour smile for me to finish my sermon and leave. But Xavier took the real hit. As usual he was happy to assist me in my search and he even said he was familar with the article. "Si Si" he said clearing his throat "I am a master of many things". He arrived at Fish 4 U the next morning and apologized profusley for not warning them ahead of time. This confused everyone since no one had the faintest idea who he was and why he stood in the doorway all morning greeting customers, autograph fish bowls, and tell stories of "Little Fin". He acted like a celebrity and so they treated him like one. He answered the bloody phone when I called down there and I hung up without saying anything.
The store stayed busy all day and everything was going swimmingly until a lady came into the store with a dead fish wanting a refund. Xavier who was standing on a chair at the time took her complaint personally and grabbing a handful of algae from the nearest tank threw it on the ground as hard as he could, then demanded to see the corpse. He beckoned the crowd to gather in and looking closely at the tail identified a unique fin-print and declared in a loud voice that the deceased fish was not from F4U but a genetically modified product from Wal-Mart known as the "$1.69 Master-Betta". A motionless crowd winced and somebody spurted a giggle. The cashier broke the silence by calling 911 and with a polaroid flash Xavier was banished to the Watch List.
Now years ago Xavier earned a place in the history books when he broke into Barry Manilow's mansion after he heard rumors that Betta's were to be given out as favors at the singers birthday celebration, but in the cold cellar the exquisite fish were perishing one by one. People watched Xavier being led away in handcuffs and his crumpled expresssion troubled the entire nation and for once he was taken seriously. This look of his became known as The Face of Defeat and it sent waves throughout the acting world and is still used as the base expression for all emotions melancholy. Xavier has worn out his famous grimace but he'll use it at every opportunity including the time he saw his name sharpied to the bottom of his photo at the fish store.
Outside in the rain-car-suicide-sit-and-watch-mobile I watched the Fish Lady hug Xavier with a blanket and walk up and down the aisles picking up dozens of inky petitions and tear-stained addresses for him to take to Washington. He sat there with that idiotic expression on his face sipping a warm drink like he was critically injured and by the time the police arrived his ban had been reduced to a two day suspension.
Diablo's roof of shame was in fact part of his Spiritual Bubble Retreat which is "centuries old and seeped in tradition and" to quote Rojo "is a ritual NOT to be taken lightly, much less desecrated but the likes of you Mira..." The wise fish also pointed out that had I NOT been buried in Betta-Smut and consumed with playing The Detective which he said was the worst display of role-playing he's ever seen, I might have learned something about Diablo's unique Bettage. He compared my attention span to a staple gun and predicted that future embarrassments could only be avoided if I learned to sit still and quietly observe the world around me. So clenching my teeth I listened like a Taoist monk to Rojo's diatribe on how Buddha was really a Betta.
After that Rojo asked if my Bettaship was current and how long I had been BettaSitting. Then he disappeared and a few hours later re-emerged with word from The BettaBoard saying that all would be forgiven if I found he and Diablo a WIFE.
I'm too jaded to be excited.
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