HUNGRY FOR BETTA'S ABROAD

Boyanka Angelova from Italy requested a Betta from me, so assuming she'd been following along and was up to date on the BettaLife I sent her a one special delivery. That was a year ago. From watching this short clip of Boyanka's performance I can only assume that she'd EATEN the Betta...

Old Man Clem - tails of the underworld

Yet another testimony of keeping the Bettalive....

"Clem"

For Christmas gifts one year an eccentric boss hands out Betta fish to all of his employees as a token of his own imagination. That was 3 years ago. Meet Clem the only stocking filler o' fish to be alive today and enjoying a luxurious life of purified water and bamboo shoots provided by devoted owner Tanya the Swan, another disciple living the BettaLife. Tanya claims that Clem's health and happiness comes from swimming around in no less than a gallon of water and providing him with daily affirmations of "thank you for being alive" and "you're all that matters now". As Clem approaches the autumn of his life he watches with pathos the leaves falling outside his window sill and wonders if the seasons are rolling in to one.

Photo pending....

Finding Phil

Being a Betta Whisperer isn't as easy as I thought. In order to finance this noble endeavor I'm working longer hours and have less time to write, but mark my words the experiences are a'flowing and this labor of love will soon bear some mighty fine fruit.

Take Tommy for instance, facing 40 and debilitated by depression and stress he put in for a demotion at his work. He did this just so he can spend more time on a couple of his uncomplicated hobbies of traveling and building Harley Davidson's. He's started to clean up his house for when his new cleaner arrives next week and even casually (and successfully) asked a girl out on a date. And all because of Phil. I promised Tommy that owning a Betta would change his life and it started to the second I said "I know what I'm getting you for your birthday". Note, this is the power of Betta-Force and I'm not trying to take credit for Tommy's change of fortune. Well, maybe a little.

What is NOT little is the story behind how Tommy and Phil became TommyandPhil. So I'll leave you with a teaser. Enter movie voice over guy...

IN A WORLD OF ANARCHY AND PLUNDER A BETTA IS FISH-NAPPED AND RESCUED USING THE BETTA-BASE AT FISH 4 U. THE THEFT WAS REALLY AN ACCIDENT AND THE GUY FELT AWFUL RETURNING IT THE VERY NEXT DAY. (sounds gripping) -- Kill Phil is now showing and is rated B for believable.

I think that covers it. Here's Phil

Damage Control and a Second Chance

To my horror the pamphlet "Ten signs your fish is a MasterBetta" was a figment of my imagination and so I apologized to the wrongfully accused Diablo and paraphrased a couple proverbs about forgiveness. Diablo had no idea what I was talking about and just waited with a sour smile for me to finish my sermon and leave. But Xavier took the real hit. As usual he was happy to assist me in my search and he even said he was familar with the article. "Si Si" he said clearing his throat "I am a master of many things". He arrived at Fish 4 U the next morning and apologized profusley for not warning them ahead of time. This confused everyone since no one had the faintest idea who he was and why he stood in the doorway all morning greeting customers, autograph fish bowls, and tell stories of "Little Fin". He acted like a celebrity and so they treated him like one. He answered the bloody phone when I called down there and I hung up without saying anything.

The store stayed busy all day and everything was going swimmingly until a lady came into the store with a dead fish wanting a refund. Xavier who was standing on a chair at the time took her complaint personally and grabbing a handful of algae from the nearest tank threw it on the ground as hard as he could, then demanded to see the corpse. He beckoned the crowd to gather in and looking closely at the tail identified a unique fin-print and declared in a loud voice that the deceased fish was not from F4U but a genetically modified product from Wal-Mart known as the "$1.69 Master-Betta". A motionless crowd winced and somebody spurted a giggle. The cashier broke the silence by calling 911 and with a polaroid flash Xavier was banished to the Watch List.

Now years ago Xavier earned a place in the history books when he broke into Barry Manilow's mansion after he heard rumors that Betta's were to be given out as favors at the singers birthday celebration, but in the cold cellar the exquisite fish were perishing one by one. People watched Xavier being led away in handcuffs and his crumpled expresssion troubled the entire nation and for once he was taken seriously. This look of his became known as The Face of Defeat and it sent waves throughout the acting world and is still used as the base expression for all emotions melancholy. Xavier has worn out his famous grimace but he'll use it at every opportunity including the time he saw his name sharpied to the bottom of his photo at the fish store.

Outside in the rain-car-suicide-sit-and-watch-mobile I watched the Fish Lady hug Xavier with a blanket and walk up and down the aisles picking up dozens of inky petitions and tear-stained addresses for him to take to Washington. He sat there with that idiotic expression on his face sipping a warm drink like he was critically injured and by the time the police arrived his ban had been reduced to a two day suspension.

Diablo's roof of shame was in fact part of his Spiritual Bubble Retreat which is "centuries old and seeped in tradition and" to quote Rojo "is a ritual NOT to be taken lightly, much less desecrated but the likes of you Mira..." The wise fish also pointed out that had I NOT been buried in Betta-Smut and consumed with playing The Detective which he said was the worst display of role-playing he's ever seen, I might have learned something about Diablo's unique Bettage. He compared my attention span to a staple gun and predicted that future embarrassments could only be avoided if I learned to sit still and quietly observe the world around me. So clenching my teeth I listened like a Taoist monk to Rojo's diatribe on how Buddha was really a Betta.

After that Rojo asked if my Bettaship was current and how long I had been BettaSitting. Then he disappeared and a few hours later re-emerged with word from The BettaBoard saying that all would be forgiven if I found he and Diablo a WIFE.

I'm too jaded to be excited.

A man, a legend, a way of life.

Thank you Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang for your contributions and clever songs. May the flow of hilairity never dwindle! I have renewed enthusiasm thanks to your support and I'm looking forward to a healthy battle of wits. Mr Bang's songs will soon be archived in The Betta Songbook link to the right....

I printed out a micro-copy of "Born to swim wild" for Diablo and stuck it in his ever-growing bubble nest, which is all he seems to care about these days. He's obsessed with it's construction and I'm beginning to think that something more than fishy is going on under there. The loitering, the sluggish tails, the murmering! It's got to stop! I noticed a pamphlet at Fish 4 U titled "Ten signs your fish is a MasterBetta" and decided to pay them a visit. Finally, I have an excuse to drop in with a decent question to ask for once. Although, word on the street is that my name and corresponding photo has been seen on a list behind the Cash Register and has been put there for any new employee needing a "heads up". Fair enough, but a little excessive if you ask me, but more about that later. So to avoid any trouble I'll ask my old friend Xavier to see about the pamphlet.

Xavier Allzon LaFiesta is a fearless chap and founded the radical political group "BETTAQUALITY!". He spends most of his time on the streets of Washington D.C. badgering politicians (usually on their lunch hour) for legislative change in favor of Betta fish. Anything from Betta voting rights, health care, endangered species requests and so on. He claims to hold the record for the longest march in history on Capitol Hill which he did solo for 367 days back '97. For the most part he is considered a public nuisance and should have been locked up years ago for his relentless civil disobedience. But Xavier managed to charm the pants off the media and this circus act turned him into a tabloid darling and A-list celebrity in the Betta community. He has a thick latino accent, is obsessed with pirates, and was born with natural optimism which accounts for his unusual stamina in the uphill battles he chooses to fight on The Hill. He's short of nothing except maybe a good speech writer to help him address members at the next BNC (the Betta National Convention of course). In the whirl wind that is Xavier, he is noticed for his tendancy to lose track and jabber on about whatever excites him at that moment.

I expect Xavier to glide into Fish 4 U and within minutes have my name taken off that pesky list and on to the board of directors.

Mi amigo Xavier Alzon LaFiesta

"ALL THE BETTA TO HEAR YOU WITH"

Writing this blog has encouraged many of my friends to share with me their Betta experiences.

Last night Brenda Lee told me the story of little 'Gimp' who had a broken back, as though his body went around a corner or somebody had taken a fish and made a tiny boomerang. Also, Gimp seemed to be filled with air so he remained buoyant preventing him from ever swimming to the bottom of his bowl. Other fish teased him and called him names like "life-raft" and "bubble-butt'. Anyway, one day Brenda Lee (who loves to sing) made up a ballad about the Gimp and when she came to the line "Gimp is no pimp" the fish plunged to the bottom of his bowl making brief contact before the inevitable ascent. This unusual outburst must have been an exciting moment for both he and Brenda Lee and I wish I had been there. She's a great storyteller but things like that are always better in real life, which unfortunately Gimp did NOT have. Personally, I think the only think REAL thing in his LIFE was the possibility of a successful suicide.

So thanks to Brenda Lee we can safely assume that
A. Betta's can hear us
B. Betta-Bullying is real.