A bored tornado.

After a million messages sent to my best friend ranging from anything from the sensible to the absurd, I decided to revive my abandoned blog to relieve him of the obligation to reply to any of it, including a letter I recently wrote to Donald Trump, which in truth was a corker. But the poor chap. It's bordeline harassment, but he's way too nice to tell me to piss off. Which is what I'm expecting to hear from the white house when Trump receives my letter about asking for a green card. Straight to the top. 

And here it is for your perusal...   

Dear President Trump 

I am writing to you to offer thanks for what you are doing around the world which should have happened decades ago. I’ve recently returned from the great state of Texas after spending two glorious weeks there. The patriotism I experienced I long for to be emulated over here in the UK. I am friends with Nigel and worked very hard to get Brexit over the line, which our government made an absolute pigs breakfast of. His campaign to raise the flag was extraordinary to see the nation coming together and not to be shy or embarrassed, even offended to show their national pride. For the rugby I strung up some St. George’s bunting along my gate. My neighbour across the street asked me if I was ever going to take it down?! I was so annoyed by this that by the time I had got home from taking my dog for a walk, I had ordered a giant Union Jack which I got my gardener to bolt onto the side of my house. 

I was educated at the University of Utah and spent most of my adult life in America. I embraced it and saw as many states as I could. Got my friend to vote twice, proxy for George W Bush and founded the Libertarian party at the U. I am due to fly out to DC next month, a place I never made it to. The reason for my letter is to kindly request a green card so I can live and work in the country I love so much. I have entered the green card lottery, since it appears that under your presidency it has been opened up to the rest of the UK not just the Irish, of which I am grateful for. I hope you realise the I can be an asset to America because I would love nothing more than to educate young minds about history, literature and why this wave of illegal migration from the East is changing the fabric of Western society. To encourage healthy debate and think objectively, to see the opposite point of view, to know and understand the mind of your enemy. To wipe out this woke nonsense which I hope and pray that it’s just a fad, but an extremely dangerous one for our children and eventually our future leaders. To defend women’s rights in sports, which I find most peculiar that the feminists have gone very quiet over this utter outrage. 

So I think I’ve painted a pretty good picture of the type of person you should welcome whole heartedly into your wonderful country. You actually sent a letter of thanks to my father, Robin Grey in response to a letter of support he sent to you. It is displayed in a prime spot in his office with your unmistakeable signature! It is also worth pointing out that I am finically sound have a steady income and will not be a burden on your economy. My boyfriend recently took me to see the documentary Melania for my birthday, who I proudly share with Ronald Reagan, Babe Ruth and my Grandmother. What an extraordinary First Lady she is and a real asset to your presidency and the country. 

Love to you both, your family and God bless America. 

With kind regards 

Leanne Hollingshead. 

P.S I loved how you snubbed our useless PM Starmer (the son of a tool maker which he reminded us all more than 50 times) He needs to fire his PR person, because he fails to see the hilarity of it. You recently announced that America doesn’t need any of our battleships, think we have only four. Our depleted Royal Air Force and Navy makes us vulnerable and Putin damn well knows it.